Feeling good about myself

Ever have those moments when a little voice inside your head tells you you should do something? I had that this afternoon. My friend is getting married later today (it is 2am after all), and for some reason, I had a feeling that I really needed to call her today and see if she needed anything. I am so glad I listened to that little voice because she needed three dresses altered tonight, including the wedding dress. I am so glad I called. I was able to fix all of the dresses, and I am feeling so glad that I was able to help. It makes me feel useful. It's a good feeling to be able to help someone out that really needed it. So now off to bed cause David has the dentist first thing this morning, and I have a wedding to go to inthe afternoon.

Just cause I'm supposed to

I made myself a promise that I would try to post to this every day, even if I didn't have anything important to talk about....so, today, I got a hair cut, gave myself highlights....felling pretty good about my hair. Other than that, I'm pretty tired, and I think I'm goin to bed. Nothing really exciting or introspective today, just very sleepy....nite nite.

Just when I thought life had gotten strange enough...

It got even stranger tonight. Ever have one of those moments that is so incredibly surreal you can't even believe it happened to you?

Today, I had one of those moments...now I am not going to name names, but I was minding my own business on facebook, being my typical boring self, when all of a sudden out of nowhere, a popular boy from my high school messages me that I was his high school crush. Now those of you that know me now might think to yourselves "so?", but if you knew me then, you would understand that this is bizzarre. I wasn't exactly what you'd call popular. I had a lot of friends, but I wasn't one of the in-crowd by any stretch of the imagination. And I was a brainiac (shocking I know) and I was shy, and awkward and a wall flower, academic, book worm. And he was a football player! And he never spoke to me. He wanted me, but he was afraid to talk to me because I might think he was stupid cause he was a jock....of course, if I take the time to think about it, which I'm pretty much doing, I never talked to him either...cause I was afraid that he would have thought I was a dork.

And so here we are, approaching 20 years later, both divorced, both with kids, and he tells me that I was his high school crush. Of course I was instantly transported back to high school for a few moments and it was like "Oh my gawd!!!! A football player thinks I'm hot!!! No way!!!!" But then I remembered that I am a sucessful, reasonably attractive, intelligent charming woman and of course men find me attractive....just not, you know, the good ones usually, and not generally speaking, the popular guys from high school....I still see myself as that shy, awkward, wall flower, academic, book worm. So it's exciting that someone like that would think I was interesting. And it's strange that we had so much in common...and that he remembered me after all these years.

I was memorable. To someone that I didn't even know knew I existed.

And maybe all these years I was wrong about what I thought people thought of me. Maybe I wasn't the big giant loser geek that I thought they thought I was. Maybe I was just so shy that I didn't realize there were lots of people out there that wanted to know me.

Maybe it's time to start tearing down the walls I built to protect myself, and maybe I'm someone that the someone's would want to know.

Can't Afford Therapy

So, I don't sleep at night and I can't afford therapy, so here I am. I'm gonna try to get it all out here in cyberspace and see if that'll do it.